Free at Last?

Not sure I can live up to profound, but I'll share what I'm feeling...

A little let down. The after-Christmas blues. On Christmas it comes after you've eaten too much, given & received a bunch of gifts, opened the final door on the Advent calendar. Then it's time to clean up, take down...

I hated wearing those shirts. SO looked forward to wearing something else- the way I anticipate Christmas. I thought putting on a new shirt would pink my cheeks, make me feel like a superstar. Which one? So many choices. The olive tee, of course! The one that reads, "Many hands make the load lighter." In Haitian Creole. I'd forgotten I even owned it. Hadn't had it for too long before we started this game.

I put it on, waited. Where were the satisfaction fireworks?

Don't I get it yet that true joy only comes from Him? Of course I am let down. Wearing that shirt, though ridiculously insignificant, helped me stay connected to the hurting. Kept me outside of myself for a bit. I don't want to go back to me a month ago. Dissatisfied with my wardrobe, furniture, kitchen, barren womb and everything else.

Yesterday morning I watched cars tumble, houses split and collapse- tsunami footage from Japan. I could only gape and cry. All that stuff, human dreams, achievements, livelihoods, real people {gulp}- smashed to memories.

How can I possibly go back to thinking about stuff when the whole world is hurting so? What a waste. Getting more, maintaining what I have... People are waking up in heaven today. And hell. All of them, no matter how much or how little they had, knew stuff. Stuff without Him is a death sentence. Feeding the poor without sharing the Gospel of Christ is empty. Leve Project is dedicated to sharing the Gospel in Haiti. Microloans, community groups- all wonderful, all secondary. I love what they are doing. I want to continue being involved. We're done with the t-shirts, so now what?

30. The End.

Cara will be following up tomorrow with something far more profound, but I thought I'd take a moment to thank you all. Many who read these posts ended up giving, and we raised more than we thought we would. I, personally, thought we wouldn't wear these shirts past the first eight or nine days, and here we are on the eve of the 30th.

If Africa is the Dark Continent, Haiti is a black hole that pulls certain mission-minded folks in for a lifetime, and compels others to forget it's right there next to certain other Caribbean destinations known for their fishing, food, or cigars. Then there was an earthquake. We had the boys home before any of that (praise the Lord, because I'm sure we would have been very freaked out if they had still been there, as many other adoptive parents were).

The quake happened more than a year ago. People have moved on. But I would like to remind the believers who are reading this that Jesus said the sum of the law was to love God and your neighbors. They, as a country, are about as close to needy neighbors as we have. Unless, of course, I'm underestimating the situation in Canada.

I still think the best part of all of this is that these are loans, and not handouts. When the loans are repaid, the money can be loaned out again.

Okay, the real best part is that tomorrow, for a family of four, decisions will have to be made about what shirts we'll be putting on in the morning.

God bless.

GG

29

I woke up singing, "Two days left, I'm laughing and singing and having a party..." I thought of my grandfather. Papa was a serious Dolly fan. I couldn't remember the lyrics, so I went online.

Two doors down
They're laughing and drinkin', and having a party
Two doors down
They're not aware that I'm around

Cause here I am
Crying my heart out, feelin' sorry while
They're having a party two doors down

My thoughts went South. Haiti, a 90-minute plane ride from Miami. Two doors down. We are so decadent, wasteful, gluttonous. While they suffer, so close by...

And yet, God has given us what He has- for His good pleasure. Money, things- to share, to give thanks for, but also to just plain enjoy. I am a cocooned butterfly- anticipating first flight in 1 1/2 days. Almost giddy over my closet full of other shirts. I haven't chosen the one, not yet. Suddenly I see that the guilt I'm allowing to shadow this joy is an insult to the Giver, and to all of you.

So I'm not going to remind you of how bad-off things are in Haiti, plead with you not to forget, ask for more donations. Instead...

Bless you! You have been liberal givers. Thank you, thank you! Hugs, kisses, high-fives. Bring me your dirty feet so I can wash them in my bucket. 15 families are getting the chance to turn it around! Oh, that is wonderful! Like Dolly at the end of the song- to have their own parties. Pray for their businesses. That they'll rise up with a shout, jubilant.

28

28 days. I don't even think about it too much anymore. I just wait for the day I'll wear my vintage ZZ Top Degüello t-shirt. To work. It's a classy, formal, 3/4 length sleeve number. I've worn it about three times, on special occasions only. I'm sure my patients will like it--that's kinda the crowd I work with.

We've now raised more than the targeted amount to keep us wearing these things for 30 days. That's a lot of micro-loans for needy Haitians. I know what it means to have a loan granted that enables an entirely new life, since the same thing was done for me. And by, "for me," I mean, "for us."  That one loan for a business is sustaining a family of four as long as I play my cards right. It's a lot of responsibility, but it's exhilarating at the same time.

The good news? It took a rather ridiculous amount of money for me to start my chiropractic clinic, but in Haiti far less will enable someone to start a business. I'm sure the same amount of highs and lows accompany the launching of a small business when the same responsibilities are on the line. The same possibilities for success are inherent as well. If someone was willing to invest in me, I don't think it's crazy at all to invest in some hard working Haitians who need the same break.

You can't make me wear this shirt another day, but you can make a huge difference in some lives.

GG

26

This was our last day in church wearing these shirts. Praise the Lord for all he has provided for the needy entrepreneurs who will benefit from these efforts, and praise the Lord for this being the last Sunday I don't have to think about what I'm wearing. Pete told me this morning that he misses his other shirts. Me, too. Thursday is the last day, and I think on Friday I'll shock my staff and patients by not wearing scrubs (or the shirt underneath), and wearing normal clothes for once.

Normal clothes, like what you see on your typical Haitian. I remember my first trip there and seeing some kid wearing a Michael Jordan jersey. It seemed odd to me at the time, that someone in such abject poverty could really muster up a care about some super rich guy he'll never meet who made millions throwing a ball hither and thither (not to detract from his greatness, but you get the point).

Then again, I usually think the same thing here, too.

Maybe I'll burn this thing when I'm done with it. I don't think I'll ever be able to bring myself to wear it again, and I know I'll keep seeing it in my closet when I'm looking for a shirt amongst the 50 or so I never wear. And the fact that I just wrote the preceding sentence makes me think maybe we haven't done enough. I can tell you this--the boys have been patient about it, and very soon some prayers will be answered by a guy who needs to get his business going to feed his family.

That sure sounds familiar!

GG

I Have No Idea What Day It Is.

GG here. I had a patient come in today who has been all over Europe and had a totally life changing experience. She came in this afternoon because all the fly-sleepin' left her with a stiff neck and back. Her first words? "I see you're still wearing the shirts."

Yep. Still. Strange what a few weeks can mean depending on the experience. Three weeks on a vacation does not equal three weeks in the same t-shirt does not equal three weeks in a war. Three weeks in Haiti has it's own life changing revelations, too.

My first time there was to meet the boys. One of them was totally freaked out, and the other seemed okay with just going along with whatever. Dealing with the pollution was tough-- my later description of the smell was, "a combination of diarrhea and burning tires, with a little diesel mixed in."

Trying to get into the minds of two non-English speaking boys who would eventually become "my boys" was tough, too. My first impression wasn't too far off, by the way. We've become much more of a family unit in the almost two years since we've had them home, but we're not done by a long shot. We keep trying because of the love, you see.

And somehow, on that first trip, between all the other distractions, a connection was made to the people. People like our driver (pictured above), who we really got to know. We looked forward to being around him, and others.

600 miles off our coast is an island with some really poor people who are trying to overcome a lot of really bad conditions and events. In the states, the distribution of obese people is more er, heavy in the poorer communities. In Haiti, poor people are thin, gaunt.

But they work really hard, and we want to help them do that, so we're wearing these shirts a few more days. It's not like we're getting shot at, but it's no trip to France, either. If you've been following this adventure, and were thinking about donating, now is the time. We're almost to the end, but we're a little shy of taking it all the way. Five or ten bucks gets us that much closer, and let me tell you, five or ten bucks can mean the start of a new life in Haiti.

The Twenty-Third Day

Conscientious. That's what these shirts have made me. Little stuff- like normally I'd toss the dark green leek tops in the trash. Today I made stock. Or NOT opening a new shampoo, brand B, because I used up all the conditioner of brand A, even though the brand A poo is still 1/4 full. Making the extra effort to finish out the toothpaste when the squeezing gets tough. Cleaning the drip pans instead of just being irritated at Greg for getting them so dirty. Took all of five minutes. Went through my jewelry- tossed the broken junk, made a sell/donate pile, used an old necklace cord to fix the wind chimes that have been rusting in a plastic tub for years. I organized my pantry, I actually know what's in it. Rice & malt, but no cider vinegar. Plenty of bamboo but no water chestnuts. Put 'em on the list. No last-minute Kroger runs. I don't launder things as often. I don't let avocado dry brown on the cutting board. And I don't complain as much. Less going through the motions. Even in a morning stupor, I inhale the fresh-ground coffee before spooning it in to the French press. I love that flower, and that one and that one, instead of lamenting that it's getting hot & they'll be gone soon, and what will I plant in their place? Sit with the boys and watch that dumb kid show instead of sweeping. FAR less computer. I wonder how I ever had time for it. 649 emails, oh my. So much for that New Year's resolution! I am learning to be happy when things are clean and cared for- as opposed to seeking perfection. Thinking in terms of, "What if I didn't have X?" rather than, "Oh how I wish I had the all-new Y instead of that stupid old X." Wearing the same shirt every day messes with your mind. In a good way.